Bryan Joiner

Why then I

Month: November, 2009

November 30, 2009

Battle of the Bookmarks

I have some sites I like, and some sites I really like, and those go in the bookmarks of my work computer. Here are two in the “sports blog” section:

The “CF” is for Cleveland Frowns, a blog written by a friend of mine who has been engaging in something of a Socratic dialogue defending Browns coach Eric Mangini for the past two months. I often get into it with Pete (the author) in the comments, mostly to help him refine his argument.

Anyhoo, Pete, an Akron native and resident, has harbored a grudge against Joe Posnanski, one of my favorite sportswriters, for not being “Cleveland” enough (He would probably deny that this is the reason). Joe is based in Kansas City now and grew up in Cleveland, and penned a Sports Illustrated cover story during the NBA Playoffs that really rubbed Pete the wrong way. Then Joe wrote an anti-Mangini column, and Pete really got mad.

Well, today Joe finally acknowledged Pete’s argument and made a full post on it, praising him for his hard work, even if he disagrees. I’m happy he did so. Now Pete can go back to liking Joe Pos, whom he once described as “proper.” I agree.

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November 27, 2009

Football Picks

Every week I submit football picks for a mixed college/NFL poll on Cleveland Frowns. It is, for various reasons, called the Cheddar Bay Reality Football Extravaganza (alternately, Invitational). I make six picks per week, one of which is worth three points, and at least one of which has to be chosen in each league (NCAA/NFL). It occurred to me I could reproduce them here at absolutely zero cost to anybody.

TCU -44.5 vs. New Mexico* (3-point pick)

I don’t read all that much about college football, but I read somewhere this year that New Mexico may be the “worst team in college football.” They’re playing at the number four ranked team in the last week before conference championship games start? I would take any line on this game. To me, 44.5 is a gift.
Saints -1.5 vs. Patriots

I discussed the line with a friend before it came out, and I settled on opening at 3, dropping to 2.5. It opened at 3 but briefly went up, which could be a case of the wiseguys hitting it. It’s now down to 1.5, which means the public is bringing Patriots money. I honestly think the Patriots are going to win the game, but based on the numbers alone, the smart play is the Saints here.

Vikings -11 vs. Bears

Have you noticed the Vikings tend to cover at home? And on the road?

Navy -9.5 at Hawaii

So let me get this straight. Navy travels 5,000 miles and six time zones and they’re still giving 9.5 points? I’m going with the “They’ve gotta be freaking good” angle rather than “Wow, that’s a lot of points” angle.

Notre Dame +10 at Stanford

DO IT FAH CHAAAAHLIE

Flordida St. +25 at Florida

I’m really feeling a 24 point game here.

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November 27, 2009

Trivia

Just in time for the day after Thanksgiving, here’s some trivia related to tonight’s activities. I spent the evening at my friend Ravi’s house by invitation, and it was about as wonderful a time as you can imagine. To the questions!

1. When Ravi’s mom went to bed at 9:30 and warned us against drinking the full bottle of scotch we had, we told her that would never happen. Was she:

a) 20% right
b) 40% right
c) 60% right
d) 80% right
e) 100% right

2. Said scotch was 18 years old and from an island off the coast of Scotland. Its signature flavor was:

a) cherry
b) oak
c) smoke
d) sweat
e) seal

3. We watched the Bulls/Jazz game on TV, and after a detailed exposition, I compared a basketball player to Billy Zane. He is:

a) Mehmet Okur
b) Andrei Kirilenko
c) Brad Miller
d) Luol Deng
e) Paul Millsap

Answers to be submitted in the comments. Hope you had a good turkey day.

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November 26, 2009

Video

Please read this before using. (If the video isn’t showing below there are still technical difficulties and this post won’t exist for very much longer.)

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November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Note the “Holiday, fools!” category.

I may have more later. Going to turkey out in the olde towne Queens.

Below is a clip of meta-absurdity and joy. It involves the parade. I went to the parade once when I was around 11. We lived in a D.C. suburb with my mom at the time and she drove us up to the Vince Lombardi rest area to give us to our dad, who was living in Connecticut. I remember the cold, gray day, with something more than a mist threatening at every second in a cold, wet wind. He must have driven us in, but I have no recollection of where we parked. All I know is that we didn’t take the subway, and we got there early enough to snag a spot at 63rd or so and Central Park West. I think it was around 6 a.m., or maybe a little later. They hadn’t roped off the street yet, and traffic was long cut off, so my father and I threw a football around in the roadway. I remember just the thrill of it all, being around so many people and loving it, and getting to do something I loved with my dad, who I rarely saw but was, at all times, ready to stop and throw a football, which is probably why his three boys did the same. And now here we were, in front of everybody, and we were doing it, and I think we were equally enchanted, even if for different reasons. As we walked off, he said it to me, “Son, let me tell you something. That is the only time you’ll ever play catch on Central Park West.” But the thing was, and this was obvious at the time, this was so obviously about him that it was infecting in its own way. We rarely got to see each other, but when we did this really was the high point of his week or his month, and we were both on a voyage of discovery. Thirty years of school and work, and he never had the chance. We were taking this trip together.

Wow, I did not realize we were going there. How about that. That’s the power of the fresh air, I guess.

I almost can’t post the video now, because it’s too ridiculous for this post. But my solution, and you may already know this, is to click here.

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November 25, 2009

Best Subject Line Ever

Hi, Bryan Joiner.

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A little information about Jon Gruden’s Penis:

13 followers
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following 31 people

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November 25, 2009

Sox Aiming For Halladay

That’s the gist of a post on ESPN.com right now. The Red Sox are going after Blue Jays starter Roy Halladay. I hate to break the news to them, but no sh!t. We all know the Red Sox are going after Roy Halladay. It’s what the Red Sox do. It’s what makes them so loathed nation-wide among non New England ex-pats. “You hate the Yankees? You are the Yankees!” When you can’t afford your players, we take them.

I have mixed feelings about this. I like seeing the Red Sox win but I don’t like seeing smaller-market teams losing their best players because they can’t afford to pay them. In this case, it’s on priciple, because Toronto can go f*ck itself (that’s another story). At least in the world’s other great uncapped sports leagues—European soccer leagues—there’s an element of teamwork that’s incumbent for overpaid players to learn playing together. In baseball, it’s as simple as calling for a fly ball so you don’t knock heads; otherwise, just do what you’re going to do. There’s very little chance for a team to get any element of “teamwork” down to overcome their enormous disadvantage. It’s either shrewd management or luck. Usually the second one.

That being said, my favorite thing about watching the Yankees win this year was Mark Teixeira. That guy knows how to play defense, which is refreshing for an AL first baseman. Not knocking Kevin Youkilis, who’s also very good, but Tex made a few plays that I’d never seen anywhere else. Sometimes it’s nice to see that if you pay for the best you do get it, and there is some sort of aesthetic reward for those who get to watch. Most modern iterations of the “buying the championship” team aren’t as lively and obviously multitalented as these Yankees are; such is the result of the wild card and the resulting “two great pitchers and you win” ethos.

Blah, blah, blah, baseball. That’s how I feel about Roy Halladay stories on ESPN.com. Let me know when there’s actual news.

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November 24, 2009

Books, Vince Young, Radiohead — It’s a Rambling Tuesday Post

I have this nasty habit of buying a bunch of books and piling them up, just waiting for them to be read. Right now I’m reading at least three of them simultaneously: The Book of Basketball, Imperial, and Light on Yoga (h/t CF). They sit in a stack near my bed next to loose magazines, and in the minutes before I turn it, I turn to whatever suits my fancy for the day.

I get more magazines than I need. This is a fact. I went on a buying spree in the summer, when ate lunch outside every day. That’s prime magazine-reading time, so in early August I ordered up a bunch of subscriptions because at the time I was only getting The New Yorker and Sports Illustrated (and Sports Illustrated suuuuuucks). By the time they arrived I was back on an indoor lunch schedule, and my indoor lunches take place in front of the computer. For better or worse.

I re-read Flannery O’Connor’s “Everything That Rises Must Converge” last night, because I saw a screen shot of Jacob reading the book in Lost, and the cover is the same color as one of the other books I was reading, so I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I bought the book shortly after seeing it on Lost because I think the day before that episode I had finished whatever I was reading previously, so I thought, well, why not? Title story much better on second reading. What is the point of all this? I’m not sure. I just like watching that word counter go up in the lower-left-hand corner.

As long as we’re hopscotching topics, I love the Vince Young resurrection. It’s a great story, and he’s the single best test case for how much harder the NFL is than college football. Dude won the National Championship in one of the best performances of all time, certain the best in the BCS era, without apparently being able to run a complicated offense. He got to the NFL, hit it fairly big on talent alone, then bottomed out, personally and professionally. Now he’s slowly working himself back into a decent NFL quarterback. That’s some The Natural sh*t right there. I actually like Tennessee when he’s playing, but I can’t stand Kerry Collins, so last night’s game was a treat.

Due to the rousing success of Music Monday, and the festivity of the short week, here’s a ridiculous video the MZA pointed me toward yesterday. If your sentiments run anti-Radiohead or anti-Japanese animation/themes, this might not be the video for you. You’re wrong, but it might not be the video for you.

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November 23, 2009

Rich

Rather than babble about B.S. you have no interest in hearing about, or continue my assault against Bill Simmons’ 4th-and-2 inanity (yes, I’m still mad), I’m going to just give you some music this morning.

Karen O looks and sounds particularly demented in this clip, though I think that’s sort of the point.

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November 20, 2009

Pain, and the Basketball Hall of Fame

Some serious—and I mean serious—back pain this morning. I think I pulled a muscle.

I just joined a gym and started lifting again, only I only lift extremely light weights because I don’t want to be lifting at all. I want to be doing yoga, but I don’t know the first clue about how to choose one kind or find a teacher. I am being a baby about it, I know, but I thought doing the light lifting would help in the meantime. Holy sh*t, I was wrong. I can barely sit up. Feels like someone is corkscrewing into the lower-right of my back.

Ryan said I need to have more posts with Barack Obama in the tags, so his tag gets bigger than A-Rod’s. Fair enough. I’m not sure how what I’m about to say fits with Obama, but I’ll see if I can connect them.

Today’s [insert series of intellectually disparaging adjectives] column to the contrary, I like Bill Simmons. I even bought his book, The Book of Basketball, and I’m enjoying it. It’s less a history of basketball than one man’s history of basketball, designed to start and sustain arguments between two people or the reader and the writer (Basically, it’s a 600-page blog post). It’s pretty good, and I just got to the part where he wants to move the Basketball Hall of Fame and change its induction policy. I agree with both parts. It’s in Springfield, MA, now, and I’ve driven by it plenty of times but never had the desire to go. Not a good sign.

He says move it to Indiana, the home of basketball. At first, I thought it was ridiculous, and thought it should be in Manhattan. I don’t think that’s an inherently NY-centric view. Put it here, in the city with the “World’s Most Famous Arena,” make it a tourist attraction, and people will come.

Then I thought about it some more, and came up with a better idea. If we’re going to blow it up and move it, why not make it its own tourist attraction?

That’s what the Baseball Hall of Fame is, but that’s its own thing. No one’s going to go to Indiana just to see the basketball Hall of Fame. Basketball simply doesn’t draw on its past the way baseball does, so there’s no reason to think that people will go to Indiana just to be in Indiana, the way people flock to upstate New York just to go there. No: there needs to be another draw.

So here’s what I was thinking. Put it in Indiana if you want. Or Chicago. Or Vegas, ideally, but that ain’t going to happen. But make it a destination by making the HOF only part of the draw. Put it next to a golf course. Better yet, have dozens of open basketball courts, like the US Tennis Center has tennis courts. Have open play available for visitors who otherwise have put their balling days behind them. Use the courts to play High School championships and for summer camps. Put restaurants, bars, and hotels on campus. Make it a both a bachelor party and family destination where the groups can split up. “What are you doing today?” “Oh, I’m going to hit the pool and play in the 3 p.m. pickup game.” “Nice. I’m going to check out the Celtics exhibit.” “I saw it yesterday, and it’s awesome.” Etc.

I’d put $500 on it for a weekend, wherever that was. You know who else would? President Obama.

There you go.

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