Happy 3 Egg McMuffins Day!

by Bryan

On this day three years ago—or whatever day the first day of March Madness three years ago was—my friend Coachie Ballgames and I set off from the Grand Canyon for a little desert town named Las Vegas. It’s the only time I’ve been to Vegas, which is why I left one of the Earth’s five most spectacular places to go there, as I had been at the Canyon months earlier.

As anyone who’s been to the South Rim of the canyon knows, you have to leave the the highway and travel for an hour plus on a two-lane road to get there. It’s pretty barren along the way, so on our way out, we were hungry and listening to Mobb Deep CDs until we got to the Interstate, and we stopped at the first McDonald’s we saw.

Despite being along the highway, this was very much a local McDonald’s. We got Looks, but we hadn’t bathed in days, so it was possibly to be expected, though one suspects that could have been a blending mechanism. Anyhow we stood in line behind someone very much of that time and place and when he stepped to the counter, and exchange followed that is very much on my mind every year at this time:

CASHIER: May I take your order?

DUDE: YES. TWO…

… SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS WITH EGG

FOUR…

HASH BROWNS

THREE…

EGG MAC-MUFFINS.

CASHIER: Would you like coffee?

DUDE: No.

US: (complete awe)

I can’t tell you how great it was. The force and conviction of his order, and the pregnant pauses, were really un-duplicatable, which doesn’t mean we haven’t tried. And so I invite you to raise an Egg McMuffin to your mouth today if it isn’t past 10:30 where you are, and toast the human comedy.

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