Football and Family
by Bryan
I’m supposed to play football later today, but it’s pouring out, so that’s not going to happen. Too bad, because it was the first football I was set to play this year…
It’s really amazing how much football I’ve played in my life. Or “football,” the game involving sprinting (but not running plays), passing and, formerly, tackling. The tackling thing seemed to let up once I graduated college, mostly because I wasn’t playing with the boys from home anymore. Geez, I’m *that* guy now, aren’t I? That’s okay. It’s reading “that guys” like me when I was younger that made me want to play in the first place more than watching games on TV. Those sure didn’t hurt, though.
It’s amazing how much stock I put into the football games of my youth. And how much I wanted to be better than Bruce Gray at quarterback. The great thing is, he wanted to be better than me more than I wanted to beat him. And he still does! Bruce, if you read this, I’m coming for you the next time I’m on MV for the holidays. Sadly, that won’t be any time soon.
Bruce seems pretty hard up for these games, and I can sympathize. I can sympathize because I’m the exception that proves the rule. For the last seven years, I’ve been playing football pretty much every weekend in the fall. One of my best friends from college (ornery commenter MZA) is from and lives in Queens, and his group of friends decided, effectively, never to grow up. I used to lobby this as an accusation, but I mean it now as praise. Now that the games are largely over, with the driving force having moved to L.A., I know what I am missing. Overgrown children, all of us, it was probably about time. Even without tackling, the cold ground takes a toll on your body.
Okay, I’m getting self-indulgent. But the truth is, the act of even picking up a football is laden with meaning for me. I can’t hold one without thinking of it as the means—the only one that matters—of defeating my brothers in a way that they will recognize, respect, and feel in their soul. We all think we’re better than each other; take the Voltaggio brothers from Top Chef, add a third one, and you’ve pretty much got the idea (I mean, my name is Bryan and my brother’s middle name is Michael. Another Voltagii connection). Those brothers had to move 3,000 miles away from each other. Watching them in action, it’s clear that their competitive instincts are so paramount in their lives that they easily dominate them. One of my brothers lives in London, I live in New York, and the other lives in Phoenix. Draw your own conclusions. Until Top Chef shed light on it, I hadn’t fully realized that the need to beat them was so dominant in my life. Football is the only place where we agree to battle.
But: back to football. One of my brothers is the most exceptionally talented athlete who never played organized sports that I’ve ever known. By far. His skills translate so amazingly into football that it’s clear, abundantly so, to anyone who watches that he could have played at least in college. The high school coach used to ask him every day when he was joining the team. My brother simply had no interest. Why? Beating me was the only important thing. After that, there was nothing left to prove. The other is far younger, played lacrosse in college, and is in peak physical shape. This is a fact: I’m better than both of them. I know it in my heart because it is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to know. You could make a serious argument that it is the most important thing in my life. Every time I pick up a football, though, I get that glimmer of doubt. That, more than anything, is the reason why it’s probably time to hang them up.
Bryan Joiner 
Totally agree.
the eternal debate rages on……
i appreciate the emotion you have vested in playing football, but it’s an uncontroversial point to say that healthy adults should play sports as long as possible.
Ha ha, you played today after all, booyakasha.
Football will be happening. Book it.
And when I say “DIII, certainly,” I mean, “DIII without lifting a finger.”
I’m not sure where he could have played at college. But DIII, certainly. If he had worked at it—like, full-time—I’m not sure where he could have ended up. I’m with you: I think he’d be better in the AFL, even if it’s kind of counterintuitive. Maybe we can get him a UFL tryout.
Also, when you say that “he could have played at least in college,” are you implying that he would have had a shot in the CFL or AFL?
This of course begs the question, which league is a better match for his skill set, CFL or AFL? One could argue that the large field offers him more room to use his speed. But I think ultimately his shiftiness in tight spaces would translate well to the close confines of the Arena league.
I should have said organized “team” sports. The relay doesn’t count.
That play wouldn’t have worked because as far as I know we never kicked field goals or extra points. Well, until Lambos. He went to Nebraska, right?
Hold the fuck up! “Never played organized sports?” The man was a state champion in track & field. I grant you that there was nothing organized about CC, but c’mon. State champion! I’ve got the embroidered jacket to prove it.
Anyway, to this day I am regretful that he and I did not make good on our plan for his senior year. The plan was this. Quit CC and join football. He as the holder, me as the kicker. Fake field goals and extra points for days. We were thinking it would become the base offense actually. Would have been glorious.
I like that your family was basically the plot of A Separate Peace.