Bryan Joiner

I will resist the urge to post the Humpty Dance below.* Too annoying unless you’re under the  spell of one John Jameson or one of his contemporaries.

Rarely is there a time where I need coffee to become “human,” as the T-shirts say, but today counts. Those shirts are an indication of coffee abuse, by the way. No one’s plunking down $19.99 to inform the world of their caffeine dependency unless they’re pumping enough joe into their bloodstream to wake a wolf that Sarah Palin just shot dead from a helicopter. And no one’s buying those shirts unless they’re in the throes of a caffeine binge. Caffeine plus the Internet has spawned more bad decisions than pride or envy could ever aspire to. Stripping the Internet of its caffeine addicts would be like stripping a caffeine addict of her coffee.

I was searching YouTube for the newest McDonald’s coffee commercial, where a guy makes a morning out of telling people he can’t talk to them before he drinks his coffee, but I found this instead and I have to say it’s pretty good:

* The original title of this post was “Hump Day.” So yeah.