Bryan Joiner

After an aborted trip to the State Fair of Texas on Saturday, I went for a whirlwind tour on Sunday morning. Unfortunately, I did not bring a camera on my trip, as mine broke after a trip to the beach this summer and I have not replaced it (the damage was sand-related). Anyhow, I will remember the State Fair for three reasons:

1) I saw piglet nearly drown.

This is true. Shortly after “breakfast,” we walked over to a farm animals display where there were rabbits, chickens and pigs in separate pens. The actual pigpen contained a family of pot-bellied pigs. There was a mother and three piglets. One of the piglets appeared to be taking a bath in the mother’s water bowl, which was filled about one-inch high, if that. The piglet was no bigger than a decent-sizen kitten and should have been able to right itself, but we quickly realized that it was drowning. Eventually, a fair worker came from behind the pen to scoop the piglet out, but the worker was in a wheelchair and had difficulty negotiating the pen’s door, and the moment before she grabbed the ‘let, its arms and legs went rigid. Needless to say, the mama pig went nuts, charging the worker before turning her attention on her child. It was fairly motionless, taking only heaving breaths, legs still rigid: it quite literally sat on the borderline between life and death. After about a minute of this, the mother began prodding it with her snout — and the piglet wobbled to its feet, causing a great many sighs and relieved head-turns from the assembled crowd. That I had a pork chop sandwich literally minutes later should not diminish the enormity of the moment.

2. I saw a butter sculpture.

Sadly, I cannot find a photo of this online. It was a life-sized sculpture of a cow and goat escaping from the carriage of a hot air balloon. I give immense credit to whomever imagined such an implausible scene; the inspiration was as impressive as the work itself. Not really, but close enough.

3. I ate poorly. Very poorly.

Remember, I was only there for 90 minutes. But I did some serious family-aided damage in those 90 minutes. Here is my dietary log, complete with appropriate Google images:

Foods 1 and 2: Biscuits and Gravy, Breakfast Tacos (app. time: 10:15 a.m.)

In reality, the biscuits were swimming in sausage gravy.

Foods 2, 3, and 4: Fried Coke, Fried Cookie Dough, Pork Chop Sandwich (app time: 10:35 a.m.)

The Fried Cookie Dough was the clear winner of the day. Covered with chocolate sauce, it was delectable. The Fried Coke was a gimmick, and is exactly as shown in the picture: fried dough in a cup, filled 1/4 of the way with coke syrup, and topped with whipped cream. My pork chop didn’t have sauce on top, having been exquisitely pre-seasoned and was served traditionally, on white bread. It was fan-tastic.

Food the sixth: Jalapeño/cheese corn dog (app. time: 11:10 a.m.)

Barely spicy at all. My first corn dog ever. Yes, really.

Food the seventh: Fried Oreos (app. time: 11:45 a.m.)

Pretty damn delicious, these little things. They took away the sting of not being able to throw a football through a little hole or catapult a rubber chicken into a rotating stockpot. Twice.

And of course, y’all know how the rest of the trip went.

I just returned from a week-long trip home. I left during the fury of the Rainstorm of ’07, plugged up I-95 on the Peter Pan (née Bonanza) Bus and headed to Vineyard Haven on the brand-spanking new Island Home ferry, a vessel so advanced that it features televisions and free Wi-Fi (which wasn’t working). I played some travel Yahtzee on the boat with Grant and two friends we ran into. Grant and I split the two games. And then I was home.

My house is no longer occupied year-round, so it has a very unlived-in feel about it, and I actually kind of like it. Instead of stepping into the past, it feels like I’m stepping into a world of my own making. That may have sounded strange. Basically, instead of falling into my old childhood habits like watching TV, fighting with my brother and going to the pool it seemed a lot easier to relax in my new, adult style: reading, going to the beach and merely receiving broadside verbal and slightly physical assaults from my brother.

But seriously, it was a good time. I saw my uncle and his family for the first few days, as we went to a great meal at Alchemy* the first day and had a barbecue at his house the following evening. I can call it a barbecue because they are from Texas and there were ribs. I have come under fire lately because of my tendency to conflate the term “barbecue” with “grilling” or “cook-out” from a certain southern foodophile, but we even had actual smoked woodchips to add flavor, all down home style.

Friday was a gloomy, rainy day and I achieved my goal of having coffee with Louis and Ben while engaging in an exceptionally wide-ranging conversation; it was precisely as I imagined it would be. The rain having spirited away our energy, we bought pizza and watched the Red Sox lose a nail-biter to the Orioles in my rec room. The following day was the Chilmark Road Race, some beach and some basketball — it was chock full 0′ outdoor activities, and Sunday was rest day at the Joiner house where we did some honest to God grilling.

Monday I went for a run with my Nike+, as I’m still very much in the honeymoon phase, and played some more basketball with the old crew and followed it up with a Toots and the Maytals show in the evening. Grant got up on stage. Then he stayed up until four in the morning while I tried to sleep — the third straight year he has kept me awake on my final night on the island. Some things never change.

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* I starred Alchemy** here because it is one of the five pretentious/cloying one-named restaurants on the Vineyard. The other are Atria, Détente, Water and Balance. From what I understand, they’re all excellent (I’ve been to two of them). But seriously, can we do something about the names?

** The first time I wrote this I confused Atria and Alchemy, as you can see from the comments. That’s my bad. But it’s a symptom of the one-namers. And my stupidity.

Sam Adams Cherry Wheat

I went to the bodega on Sunday to pick up some Blue Moon – my beer of choice – and they only had 12 packs, and I only wanted a sixer. I was disappointed until I remembered that Sam Adams Cherry Wheat was similar, a wheat beer with a slightly fruity flavor, good for summer. Well, I can say once again that it is great. Pick some up.

While we’re on the topic of beer, you should know that I drank Budweiser on July 4th in Hong Kong, against the advice of my taste buds. It was extremely hot and humid, even at night, so it wasn’t such a bad idea, as it went down easy. These stories and more will follow this week on this blog, but I’ll have to write them at work. I brought my computer to Hong Kong, but like an idiot, I put it in my checked bag, encased in my shoulder bag, but apparently that didn’t pad it enough.

I’m sorting through all my photos right now, but here are some good ones.

So I’m going to Hong Kong on Saturday for work. There are two simultaneous conferences going on, and I will be covering them as a guest of the Hong Kong Trade Development Council. Trust me: I can’t believe it either. I will have a day before and a day after the conferences to sightsee, as well as any time I can carve out for myself otherwise, and I’ll do a fairly excellent job of carving. Adding to the absolute lunacy of this trip is the fact that I will be flying into Hong Kong at 3:15 p.m. on July 1st, 2007 — the 10th anniversary of the British handover. There are citywide events and celebrations planned for that evening. Good timing.

This whole thing started about three weeks ago when my editor received an email from the HKTDC inviting one of our editors to the licensing conference, promising to cover hotel expenses and return airfare for those who wanted to attend. The publisher negotiated for them to cover an entire trip, and my boss’ passport expires on July 1st, so off I went. I didn’t believe it was happening until the airfare was booked, and even then they switched it at the last minute — could I stay an extra day to cover the second conference? — but it looks like everything is in order. I am extremely lucky, I know this.

I plan to do a lot of walking and eating during the trip: basically the same thing I do here. That’s what I like to do, and Hong Kong seems just as suited to it as New York, if not better. I’ll probably do the two main touristy things, but hoof it after that. I may buy some new shoes before I go. I may not. I probably won’t do much except laundry and cleaning up the house (so it’s not a complete mess when I get back). That’s about all. I’m very excited. I’m trying not to boast or do anything that could still jinx it, but it’s my blog and it’s all very fun.