Bryan Joiner

Why then I

Boras Sits Down With Red Sox

The Boston Globe reported that Scott Boras had a sit down with the Red Sox to discuss Alex Rodriguez, but Boras insisted it was to discuss all of his clients. Boras clients J.D. Drew, Jason Varitek and Daisuke Matsuzaka are already on the Red Sox roster. Behold the mind of a master tactician.

Theo: Hello Scott.
Boras: Hey Theo, did you like that Grand Slam?
Theo:
Boras: He’s speechless! Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m just here to check up on those clients of mine: J.D., Varitek, Dice-K, Pedroia…
Theo: You don’t represent Pedroia.
Boras: You have your story, I have mine. Mine is that several teams are interested in Pedroia at $12 million per. But he’d be happy to give you guys a hometown discount of $1 million. Not because he loves playing here, but he’s a local kid.
Theo: He’s from California.
Boras: And that’s practically on top of Boston. That’s why he’s willing to forego that extra $500,000.
Theo: You said one million.
Boras: You’re entitled to your opinion.
Theo: Why are you here again?
Boras: I’m not sure Varitek is happy here any more. He misses Japan.
Theo: That’s Dice-K.
Boras: He does like the nickname. It’s pretty clever. He’s willing to knock $2 million off his asking price just for that.
Theo: He’s already under contract.
Boras: You obviously didn’t read the contract close enough. It said that if he was named World Series MVP, he had the right to negotiate a new deal.
Theo: He wasn’t the MVP.
Boras: Not of this World Series, no.
Theo: Of any World Series.
Boras: You’re sure about that? I’m fairly sure I heard that Mike Lowell was the World Series MVP.
Theo: We were talking about Jason Varitek. You don’t represent Lowell.
Boras: That depends on your definition of “represent.” We’ll do $50 million for three years.
Theo: For who?
Boras: Drew.
Theo: He’s already signed.
Boras: Then why are we here?
Theo: You called the meeting. You tell me.
Boras: Did it have to do with A-Rod?
Theo: Probably, but we’re not interested.
Boras: Really?
Theo: Yes.
Boras: Really?
Theo: Yes.
Boras: Really?
Theo: Yes.
Boras: Really?
Theo: Yes.
Boras: Really?
Theo: No.
Boras: My work here is done.

C’s Keep Rolling

Not much to say here except that if you don’t miss shots, you’re probably going to win a lot of games. Garnett has been as-advertised, but I think this season is quickly shaping up to be a referendum on Paul Pierce: is he a good player, or is he a great one? I’ll admit that I was always in the former camp, but this year he’s going to get enough open looks to earn/re-earn his superstar reputation.

One thing bothers me, though: the notion that Pierce is the team’s captain. This seems to stem solely by virtue of his service to the organization. SI’s season preview described in detail how Pierce gained weight and was mentally checking out of games last year — those aren’t the actions of a team leader. I’m not dogging Pierce here. You can be ultra-competitive and a great player without being a team leader, and it’s not a diss to say so. Kobe would fall into the same camp. There aren’t that many team leaders out there, but the ones that are should be captains. Kevin Garnett is a team leader. He should be the captain in name if he already is so in spirit.

Unifying the Belts

Here’s a month’s worth of Sports Illustrated covers. See if you can spot the pattern.

1112_thumb.jpg1105_thumb.jpg1029_thumb.jpg1022_thumb.jpg

Shula “Backtracks”

“If they run the table, and they win all the games, then they are doing it within the rules of the National Football League. And there shouldn’t be any asterisk to it. That would be the accomplishment that they made. It would be the best in all of sports.”

Again, it’s a shame that he apologized for something he almost certainly did not say. This is a predictable 2-day story that could have been easily avoided if Gary Myers had done his job.

Don Shula

We all know what Don Shula said by now. He said the Patriots would deserve an asterisk should they go undefeated, right? Well, the answer is “kind of.” It’s certainly not “yes,” and it may, in fact, be “no.” Parse Gary Myers’ column on the subject, and you can see how Myers, and not Shula, inserts the topic of a Patriots asterisk and bait-and-switches Shula into supporting it.

To recap, here’s the first paragraph of the story:

Don Shula, the coach of the only perfect season in NFL history, believes the Patriots have a legitimate shot at running the table and joining his ’72 Dolphins in going undefeated in the regular season and playoffs. But if they can pull it off, Shula insists the NFL needs to place an asterisk next to the Patriots in the record books because Bill Belichick got caught cheating in the Spygate scandal.

Okay, so let’s now find where Shula “insists the NFL needs to place an asterisk next to the Patriots in the record book.” Here’s Shula’s quote:

“The Spygate thing has diminished what they’ve accomplished. You would hate to have that attached to your accomplishments. They’ve got it. Belichick was fined $500,000, the team was fined $250,00 and they lost a first-round draft choice. That tells you the seriousness or significance of what they found.

“I guess you got the same thing as putting an asterisk by Barry Bonds’ home run record. I guess it will be noted that the Patriots were fined and a No.1 draft choice was taken away during that year of accomplishment. The sad thing is Tom Brady looks so good, it doesn’t look like he needs any help.”

Shula’s saying that he thinks the Patriots’ season is tainted, but he doesn’t mention slapping an asterisk on them — instead, he compares the situation to that of Barry Bonds, where an asterisk may be forthcoming. That Bonds has not yet been punished by Major League Baseball, while the Patriots have complied with their punishment, makes it a flawed analogy, but who cares? He never mentions putting up an asterisk against the Pats. Why might we think he did? Here’s the next paragraph:

Told that he might get support in his desire to have an asterisk placed next to New England’s potential perfect season, Shula, the winningest coach in NFL history, said, “I don’t know how people can’t agree with that.”

Wait… what desire for an asterisk? Where did that come from? It looks like Myers is using Shula to support his desire for an asterisk. Shula might agree with the idea for an asterisk, but it’s fairly clear from reading the above that it’s not his campaign. If Gary Myers thinks the Patriots should have an asterisk, he shouldn’t put words in a Hall of Fame coach’s mouth.

And it’s worth noting that the Patriots aren’t even halfway there yet. Can we calm down, please?

Schilling’s Back

Back again, and he gives some insight into the weight clauses in a blog entry. He will have six random weigh-ins that, if he passes all of them, will equal $2 million more in salary. They were his idea.

Shades of Grey in Patriots/Colts

I love shades of grey. My favorite Beatles song is “You Never Give Me Your Money,” a song with no structure that spirals out into infinity. One of my favorite novels is Infinite Jest, which builds for 1,000 pages and ends without a real conclusion. I thought the Sopranos finale ended perfectly. I like it when you draw conclusions based on evidence instead of finding your evidence in light of the conclusion.

Football does not lend itself to shades of grey. The outcome is the outcome, and 60 minutes is usually enough to tell you which team is better. The final score tells you enough. That’s not true with the Colts and Patriots. When Boomer Esiason said he wanted to see the teams play a 7-game series, I was all for it. They may play again, but even one game is not enough for me. The Patriots won Sunday and I was happy, but I was astonished that they won. Some probably see this as validation of the Patriots’ greatness, and it is, but I think they see it for the wrong reasons: they believe the Patriots are definitively better than Indianapolis. They are not. But they are good enough to win a sloppy game which, in football, is often good enough. John Madden might say that sloppy games are what football is all about, and there’s something to the art of winning when you’re not at your best, but that game was a coin flip from the beginning.

During the Patriots-Redskins blowout, I texted a high-minded sports fan friend of mine and asked, “Can football be exquisite? The Patriots play exquisite football.” I’ve thought about it a bit since then, and football can be exquisite, but it’s extremely difficult. The Patriots, on a normal day, play an exceptional brand of football hitherto unseen with these eyes, but get a little pressure on Brady and it becomes just another game with great players in Flying Elvis jerseys. That’s what Sunday’s game was. The difference between the teams was not exquisite or even subtle: it was a 6’4″ wide receiver from Marshall named Randy Moss. For all the pre-game talk about how the teams could beat each other, in the end it was so simple, a caveman could have told you. Randy Moss was the difference. He caught almost everything thrown near him, and became Brady’s number one game plan when the game was in doubt: the QB looked for him on six straight plays. This was a strategy that is absolutely new to the Patriots. Brady won three Super Bowls that way and led the team to an 8-0 start this year by finding the open receiver, but against the best pass defense in the league, and maybe the fastest defense of all-time, he could only rely on Moss receiver to get him out of there. Play after play, he looked for Moss, and the sequence is a testament both to the Patriots front office (for heisting Moss from the Raiders) and the Colts defense (which shut down literally everybody else). At some point, it became akin to that ever-so-slight difference between, say, a baseball pitcher and a hitter, and why a great pitcher will always have the advantage over a great hitter (see Carmona vs. A-Rod, 2007 ALDS): the pitcher, like the quarterback, is acting, while the hitter and the defense are reacting. That slight, slight difference is the basis for all football offense and baseball’s phenomenal rate of failure at the plate. In the Patriots game, Brady and Moss, two of the best players to ever play their positions, were able to exploit that difference to give them the slightest advantage over a phenomenal defense that had shut down everyone else.

The irony here is that the teams have switched roles fairly convincingly. In this head-to-head meeting, the Patriots have to lean heavily on offensive skill over scheme, whereas the Colts defense relies on schemes to disrupt Brady instead of trying to brute-force their way to the QB. Flip the script, and that was the Pats/Colts playbook of 2003 and 2004. The difference is that Peyton Manning can no longer be schemed, so the Pats must rely on a brute force defense, and the Patriots can’t run the ball down Indy’s proverbial throat anymore.

So can football be “exquisite?” It can be, but usually only in dominance. The Patriots have looked great because they’ve executed flawlessly. It’s wonderful to see plays executed so nice. But it’s hard for football to be “exquisite” in a close game. It’s dramatic, exhilarating and brutal, but it’s usually not exquisite. Baseball is the opposite. Its nail-biting games are also the most beautiful, whereas the blowouts are brutal.

Add to that baseball’s tendency to even itself out, and you see the beauty. If you have the same teams play each other 100 times, both teams will win a goodly number of games even if they’re the Yankees and the Royals. Football’s the opposite. It trends toward demolition. Play 20 games between two teams and they might split a few, but eventually one team will dominate. You can usually tell which team this is by the first game, and that’s why real upsets in football are rare (the ’96 Jaguars over the Broncos, the Cardinals over anybody) and everyone is happy with the one-game-and-out playoff system. I won’t be happy with it this year. The Colts and Patriots are both fielding their best team of the decade in the decade they have defined. Once is certainly not enough, and twice is barely sufficient. This entire season has the same feel as MLB’s did in 2004; then, we were killing time for a Red Sox/Yankees rematch after the 2003 heartbreak, here we’re playing out the string for Colts/Pats 2 after the AFC Championship Game debacle. Who’s actually better? We may find out in January. We may not.

The Week In Quotes/Weekend Reading

For us, the mountain was a challenge. For them, the mountain was a daily, unmysterious fact of life, pictured on their beer bottles and laundry detergent boxes.

– From Tom Bisell’s essay, “Up the Mountain Slowly, Very Slowly,” in The New York Times’ Play Magazine, a story about his ascent of Mount Kilimanjaro.

There were a lot of white people here. I had come to designate the places where the white outnumbered the black as North Face Africa, a place seen only in the Kilimanjaro International Airport, the better hotels and restaurants, and any other mountain-related holding station.

– Bissell

[H]is agent, Bill Duffy, had told me: “With Steve it’s all about the flow.” Flow, of course, being shorthand for that state of mind that artists and athletes strive to enter into, and which in full flood entails an ecstatic expansion of consciousness that releases them from confines of the self and produces crowning moments of creation and performance — not to get too mystical about it.

– Chip Brown, also in Play magazine, in his feature article on Steve Nash’s trip to China

Baseball will stick it to you; it means to break your heart… old fans do understand that it’s losing, in all its variety, that makes winning so sweet…

– Roger Angell, inadvertently echoing my thoughts on the 2007 Red Sox in his farewell piece to Joe Torre in The New Yorker

When calm at last arrived—when the brutal Savimbi was killed by government forces in 2002—people in the cities began cautiously to repaint their houses. A person who does not believe in tomorrow does not repaint his house.

– Henning Mankell, in the “Angola” chapter of a book I recently picked up, The Thinking Fan’s Guide to the World Cup

Listen, we’re not just a good team. We’re a great team. And don’t you fucking forget that. And let’s go play one game at a time and go prove that. Because let me tell you something… There’s a reason why you wear this Red Sox uniform… Because you’re a bad motherfucker.

– David Ortiz, as quoted in Sports Illustrated, to the Red Sox after game 3 of the ALCS

If any of you guys actually read these articles, could you let me know?

Great Stuff

Curt Schilling has published the letter Theo Epstein left for him after they met on Thanksgiving Day 2003.

Barry Bonds

My general take on modern sports — that the game is more important than the hoopla surrounding it — means that I have a rosier view of Barry Bonds’ achievements than the average fan. By now, it is axiomatic among all but the most delusional Bonds fans that he took steroids; the bigger question is, So What? That’s not something I want to debate right now (as I have actual work to do). Here is the news I want to talk about: Bonds said yesterday that if the Hall of Fame accepts his record-setting 756th home run ball after it has been branded with an asterisk (courtesy of fashion designer Mark Ecko, who bought the ball for $750,000), Bonds would refuse to participate Hall of Fame induction ceremonies in the event he is elected. He’s obviously trying to bully the Hall of Fame into not accepting the ball, the same way he has allegedly bullied everyone around him for years. I’m not interested in the latter, but I think that the Hall of Fame should accept the Bonds ball without hesitation and basically tell Bonds to fuck off.

It sounds like they’re doing as much. The Hall’s president, Dale Petrosky, said the museum would be “delighted” to have the ball. Bonds’s take: “You cannot give people the freedom, the right to alter history. You can’t do it. There’s no such thing as an asterisk in baseball.” Here’s where Bonds runs up against the the-game-is-the-thing ethos. Marking the ball with an asterisk does not alter history, the same way placing an asterisk next to Barry Bonds’ name in the record book does not alter history, should that happen. He has hit the most home runs ever, and that will not change until someone hits more. That’s the long and short of it. ESPN can run as many “Outside the Lines” specials as they want about the “legitimacy” of Bonds’ record, but, in the event that both teams are attempting to actually win the game (gambling scandals deserve to be excepted from the-game-is-the-thing rules, because the teams are not playing the same game), the only necessary legitimacy for the home run record is to be the guy who clubbed the most pitches over those walls.

For a long, long time, this seemed to be fine with Barry Bonds. He claimed that he just wanted to play baseball, and that the media bore a large responsibility for tarnishing his image. He was right about that. The stories of his outrageously bad attitude were salacious enough to overshadow his monumental accomplishments even before his late-career weight gain; he was hated before he ever saw the Cream or the Clear, however knowingly. But he can’t claim that the media’s twisting this one. He’s finally in a web of his own lies. When Matt Murphy caught his 756th home run, wearing a ketchup-stained Jose Reyes jersey, Bonds sent message through the media that he didn’t expect the ball back. Absolutely not. “I don’t want the ball. I never, ever believed that a home run ball belongs to a player,” he said. “He caught it, it’s his.” Now that Mark Ecko owns the ball, Bonds has backpedaled: it now belongs to “history,” he says, and marking it would be wrong. I think it’s quite obvious that he was right the first time, and the second thought was a burst of hot air. We have to pay attention to Bonds when he swings, but we don’t have to listen to him when he talks. If he doesn’t speak at the Hall of Fame induction, that would make things even easier. But as soon as Barry Bonds closes the book on his career, the hard part of his life starts, because we’ll have to judge him on Barry Bonds the person and not Barry Bonds the player. By the time his Hall of Fame induction rolls around, he may need all the friends he can get.