Bryan Joiner

Why then I

Summer Beer Recommendation

Sam Adams Cherry Wheat

I went to the bodega on Sunday to pick up some Blue Moon – my beer of choice – and they only had 12 packs, and I only wanted a sixer. I was disappointed until I remembered that Sam Adams Cherry Wheat was similar, a wheat beer with a slightly fruity flavor, good for summer. Well, I can say once again that it is great. Pick some up.

While we’re on the topic of beer, you should know that I drank Budweiser on July 4th in Hong Kong, against the advice of my taste buds. It was extremely hot and humid, even at night, so it wasn’t such a bad idea, as it went down easy. These stories and more will follow this week on this blog, but I’ll have to write them at work. I brought my computer to Hong Kong, but like an idiot, I put it in my checked bag, encased in my shoulder bag, but apparently that didn’t pad it enough.

Hong Kong – The Best Photos

I’m sorting through all my photos right now, but here are some good ones.

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chillin’

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Hong Kong

So I’m going to Hong Kong on Saturday for work. There are two simultaneous conferences going on, and I will be covering them as a guest of the Hong Kong Trade Development Council. Trust me: I can’t believe it either. I will have a day before and a day after the conferences to sightsee, as well as any time I can carve out for myself otherwise, and I’ll do a fairly excellent job of carving. Adding to the absolute lunacy of this trip is the fact that I will be flying into Hong Kong at 3:15 p.m. on July 1st, 2007 — the 10th anniversary of the British handover. There are citywide events and celebrations planned for that evening. Good timing.

This whole thing started about three weeks ago when my editor received an email from the HKTDC inviting one of our editors to the licensing conference, promising to cover hotel expenses and return airfare for those who wanted to attend. The publisher negotiated for them to cover an entire trip, and my boss’ passport expires on July 1st, so off I went. I didn’t believe it was happening until the airfare was booked, and even then they switched it at the last minute — could I stay an extra day to cover the second conference? — but it looks like everything is in order. I am extremely lucky, I know this.

I plan to do a lot of walking and eating during the trip: basically the same thing I do here. That’s what I like to do, and Hong Kong seems just as suited to it as New York, if not better. I’ll probably do the two main touristy things, but hoof it after that. I may buy some new shoes before I go. I may not. I probably won’t do much except laundry and cleaning up the house (so it’s not a complete mess when I get back). That’s about all. I’m very excited. I’m trying not to boast or do anything that could still jinx it, but it’s my blog and it’s all very fun.

The Latin Alphabet

Sometimes I would very much like to post in my blog but I cannot think of anything to write, but I write so much in any given day that something must be relevant to someone. The following will only be interesting to fans of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade or people who study people who really like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

For context, this discussion centers around a scene late in the film where Indy is attempting to navigate 2,000-year-old booby traps in order to find the final resting place of the Holy Grail. Having passed the first trap (kneel before God!) he finds himself standing in front of an alphabet with the task of spelling the “Name of God.” He whispers “Jehovah,” but as he begins his walk with an audible “J!” his father, in another location, reminds us that “in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah starts with an ‘I’.” His foot goes through the J, and he nearly falls to his death before pulling himself back up and saying, with a tone that speaks of a smack to the forehead, “I. Jehovah starts with an I,” and moving on.

From: Bryan Joiner

To: ptb

1:23 p.m.

So I was thinking about Last Crusade yesterday… because why wouldn’t I be?… when I came upon the following problem.

In the “Jehovah was spelled with an I” part, he steps on J and almost eats it. But… if the letter J was around, isn’t that what “Jehovah” would have started with? And therefore, wouldn’t there NOT have been a J on the panel? Maybe Indy just misread it.

Also, if he falls through the J (which I can’t remember, or whether it’s just his foot), he’s falling forward, and would be grabbing onto other fake letters – unless it’s the I. But if I remember correctly, he hops to the I rather daintily. This has always bothered me, actually.

Yes.

From: Bryan Joiner

To: ptb

1:24 p.m.

I need help.

From: ptb

To: Bryan Joiner

3:32 p.m.

i always figured it was supposed be be a double trap (of SUCH LETHAL
CUNNING), like the french brothers maybe updated that particular trap,
knowing that dumbasses would totally forget that “j” is not a letter
in the latin alphabet. i still think that “jehovah” would probably
start with a “y” in latin.

i had never considered why he doesn’t just plummet through the other
fake panels. that is presently, like at this moment, ruining my day.
i have lingering plausibility concerns about the quality and unusual
nature of the masonry work inside the grail temple. also, the physics
of the time-release earthquake that happens if you take the grail
outside are kind of silly. if the earth was swallowing the whole
temple, how come the mountain it’s in is still there when they run
out? and i find it disturbing that the knight is just going to sit in
the hallway and slowly die. how did he get back across the
j-e-h-o-v-a-h thing to wave goodbye if he’s too feeble to use a sword.

the first time i saw last crusade as a kid i was confused why the
answer to the second trap wasn’t just g-o-d.

From: ptb

To: Bryan Joiner

3:46 p.m.

i think i might get this e-mail exchange printed on a t-shirt

From: Bryan Joiner

To: ptb

3:47 p.m.

Funny that you mentioned that because I was 100% about to blog that shit.

From: ptb

To: Bryan Joiner

3:49 p.m.

if moacir’s server wasn’t broken i would have already posted the
screen cap i made of my gmail. i am zero percent kidding. like,
photoshop is open.

Coffee

As I sit at my office, foot jittering up and down on my knee, I got to wondering: how much coffee does one city block’s worth of workers and residents drink in a single morning? It’s got to be a lot, especially around here. We do not suffer from a lack of choices. In fact, we have the coffee chain. I discussed this with a friend the other night, and now I bring it to the world.

The first link on the coffee chain is the coffee within the office. We always have a warm pot going, just in case there’s some visitor who might desire a cup or an employee who doesn’t feel like leaving the building/spending money for their caffeine fix. The abject horrendousness of this daily brew is mitigated by the hazelnut and french vanilla creamers we stock by the hundreds; without these delightful little devils, the Folgers or whatever it is would only be fit for weed control, paint removal or lawnmower fuel. The most disturbing part of this brew is that at the bottom of every cup there’s a grainy residue: the grounds have bounced around in their foil packaging long enough that they are small enough to regularly sneak through the filter. You are quite literally drinking dirt at the end. So I try to stay away from this stuff. But it being free and all, I don’t always succeed.

If the work coffee doesn’t do it for you, there’s the deli across 30th street.

The deli is not one of these New York “delis” that are really glorified bodegas. This is an honest-to-God Midtown deli, with hot and cold food buffets, a sushi bar, make-your-own salad station and everything, and the coffee does the place justice. It’s $1 for a small cup a quarter more for a slightly bigger one, and there are all sorts of flavors, from regular (which sometimes I choose) to vanilla creme (often) to french roast (more often) to chocolate raspberry twirl (zero percent). This is the default option: it’s good enough and cheap enough to work in most situations, and paying with an even dollar is always a plus. I’m having the vanilla creme right now. It is delicious. The establishment — named Au Bon Goût — also has an iced coffee bar, whereupon you make your own takeaway cup of the beverage, an idea which puts mere iced coffee slingers to shame.

But suppose you want more! Across 31st Street is Dunkin’ Donuts. I think the best thing I can say about Dunkin’ Donuts coffee — to add to the long list of plaudits sang by pretty much everyone — is that it’s fucking awesome.

Which leads us, at long last… to the Starbucks. Located a daunting block and a half away, it is the third best tasting coffee available (beating only the office pot) and the most expensive. But Holy Shit, does it do the trick. All the other brands give me a coffee buzz. Starbucks gives me a life buzz. And I get the smallest one. There’s really no way to describe it, or no need to, as everyone reading has downed some whether they liked it or not. They could slap an age limit on that stuff and I wouldn’t even blink. It could probably use one.

Back, Sort Of, And For Not Very Long

I’m finally back at my office, with some time to kill. I once said that I do not write blog entries from here. I was mistaken.

Just to catch up those to whom I haven’t spoken in the past couple weeks:

• Friday before last, I learned that my grandfather had passed away. He was 90 years old and in quickly declining health, so it was somewhat expected. I left the following day for Chicago and stayed there for three days, through the wake. I saw my mother and helped her deal with everything by tending to my grandmother while she and my aunt planned everything. It was a tough time but everyone was generally so busy that it didn’t sink in until the actual wake. Right up until then, my grandmother and I laughed and goofed around like we always do — as the first of 16 grandchildren, we have a special relationship, and goof around pretty much constantly. She is also 90 years old. They were married 57 years. My grandfather, whom we called “Dzia-Dzia,” or “JaJa,” a Polish play on “pop-pop,” I believe, was a WWII and Korean War veteran who was at a ballroom in Chicago after he was discharged when he saw my grandmother. He remembered her from 3rd grade, and asked her to dance, and they were married three months later (I think), and my mom was not too far behind. JaJa taught me to play chess, loved sports, used the library religiously, drank coffee and did crossword puzzles, and despite my amazing similarity to him in those respects, my brother Steven is basically the second incarnation of him in attitude and temperament. That’s a good thing. My mother told him this in his final hours, when several family members talked to him, including my grandmother, who told him she loved him and always would.

• I found out this news as I exited the train station on Friday morning near my office. When I arrived, I found that someone had broken into our office and stolen several items but exactly one computer: mine. The loss of my photographs and iTunes music pales in comparison to the family loss, but sucks nonetheless. The culprit was kind enough to leave a backpack full of personal information such as a telephone number, address and list of items he had stolen from other places in addition to his crowbar and cartoon caper-style black ski mask. This is true. The cops were loving it, but alas, no word on whether they’ve tracked him down after 10 days.

• I returned home from Chicago on Monday evening; the following day was the first day of the three-day Licensing Show, the once-a-year domestic trade show held at the Javits Center on the West Side of Manhattan. This is probably an entry in and of itself, but during the show I got my picture taken with chimpanzees and live penguins; saw the actor Tyrese and wrestler Kane; and procured a bottle of a Deep Throat-branded energy drink. Not the CIA Deep Throat.

• Saturday evening I participated in an all-night Cancer Relay at a Queens park. I walked 53 laps and change, which is just over a half-marathon’s worth, but my friend Ryan pulled off a full 105 laps, a full marathon. The goal is not to walk as much as possible (it is, instead, to have a team member walking at all hours of the night), but we get bored without competition. He finished at 7 a.m.

• And the good news for the future – I’m going to Hong Kong on Saturday for work. There is a Hong Kong Licensing Show, and apparently they really want attendees, so they’re flying me out there. Everyone who has been to Hong Kong mentions the same things: 1) Eat a lot. 2) Go up the mountain and take the ferry. 3) The airport. Any other suggestions are appreciated.

That’s all for now as I have some actual work to do. Kind of.

Update

I’ve been away on some sad business, some ridiculous business and some business business. I hope to have a big post up Friday.

Friends!

Let’s see what my friends are up to across the web:

Anonymous Lawyer: A.L. takes the group to see Knocked Up as a precautionary tale. The lesson: unwanted pregnancies can ruin workplace efficiency.

Dustinland: Why we date who we date.

Escapist Entryway: Ben signs off with KOLO-TV in Reno.

Jeremy Blachman: Mom, figs, book tour.

K.D. Photos: Pig: Yeah, I’m chillin’. So what?

Madison and Mayberry: Andrea reviews Top Chef.

Mik Awake: Mik joins a gym. Hilarity ensues.

Rod Barajas: Barajas is watching Webisodes.

The New York Inquirer: Hot dog!

Kelley DeBettencourt Photography

A friend of mine from back home has started her own photography studio, Kelley DeBettencourt Photography. All of the pictures are of aminals and are pretty darn good. You can buy them* or just look at them with your eyes.

* recommended.

Updated 2010: A lot of great wedding photography, and yes, aminals is spelled wrong on purpose.

Books

I need a book to read at all times. Or, put another way, I cannot be without a book for a period of longer than two days without becoming erratic and irrational. Maybe I’m overreacting, but time without a book really screws up my schedule. While I’m by no means a “life by routine” guy, I have certain amounts of time reserved each day for certain activities. Forty minutes for taking the train each day, an hour for reading, thirty minutes for thinking about exercising and unlimited night and weekend minutes for eating. When I don’t have a book, the reading hour can drift away, leading me into various permutations of doing nothing. If I could turn it into writing each day, it would not be so bad, I suppose, but that’s hard for me. I like reading AND writing, but not equally. That may be why I find the newspaper business so draining: lots of writing, little reading. Given the choice of doing one forever and the other never again, I would choose reading in a heartbeat. Sorry to disappoint you.

I think this is a problem because I am quite particular about the books I read. I will only read books that have been recommended to me by friends, books that are uniformly well-reviewed upon being issued or classics that have oozed into my brain through some weird sequence of events (A Jeopardy! question, blog post, etc.). When nobody has recommended anything new and there are no new books over which to drool, the classics are usually the fallback option, but sometimes it is hard for me to stick my head 200 or 2,000 years into the past. The book I really want to read is in transit to my library branch at the moment, because I find it hard to pay for books unless there’s a really good reason. Why don’t I just choose something else? Well, sometimes I try. I currently have  a new book, Blink, with which I’m not satisfied.

I read books that are recommended because I value my peers’ opinions but mostly because I’ll then have somebody with whom to talk about the book. Sometimes this does not work because they will have read the book a long time ago and forgotten most of the details by the time I’m finished, which is fine as long as the book is good. I can’t remember the last book that was recommended to me that I didn’t like, so this usually isn’t an issue. But I really like getting to talk about books.

So the short of it is that right now I’m bookless.

Let it also be known that I had half a Starbucks tall coffee at 9 p.m. and my feet are still shaking (It’s 12:35 a.m.). The rest of me is pretty tired, but they’re buzzing like electric toothbrushes. Right now, I’ve settled into the routine of a cup of coffee or iced coffee every morning and one sometime in the afternoon, and the evening one was really just for fun while I watched the NBA Finals.