Bryan Joiner

Why then I

Tag: kobe

I speak to a scholar

Nicholas Asleep is a scholar, and I spoke to him.

ME: Hello Nicholas Asleep, scholar.

NA: I am the scholar Nicholas Asleep.

ME: That’s what I said.

NA: It is true, that is what you said.

ME: Welcome to the interview.

NA: I feel welcomed. You are very welcoming.

ME: I appreciate the compliment. You are too kind.

NA: (hurt) I do not believe I am too kind. (thinks, speaks deliberately) I do not believe I am kind enough.

ME: Why do you think this? You have a reputation as a very kind man.

NA: I try to be a very kind man. But sometimes it is difficult. (pauses) Sometimes I think unkind thoughts.

ME: What type of unkind thoughts?

NA: I sometimes agree to speak to people with whom I wish no association.

ME: Like me?

NA: No, other people. (pauses) I am enjoying this conversation.

ME: You’re too kind.

NA: You said it again.

ME: The last time I spoke to you, you were working on a book. What’s going on with that?

NA: The book has been published and turned into a film which is shown in film school for its artistic value, and of which a book of criticism has been written, by me.

ME: I last saw you like two months ago.

NA: These things have happened quickly.

ME: Didn’t the books win Nobel prizes?

NA: Yes. The film too.

ME: They have a Nobel prize for film?

NA: They invented it to honor this work. They are too kind.

ME: Now you said it.

NA: I did, but they are too kind. It has actually been flagging my health.

ME: Really? How?

NA: Their kindness has forced me to sit through interviews like this, which are bad for me.

ME: Hey!

NA: I meant because of the chair. It is bad for my back.

ME: Would you like to sit on the floor? (I suggest this to mean we will both do it)

NA: How dare you ask a scholar to sit on the floor!

ME: I just thought I was helping…

NA: I am kidding. This is… fun.

ME: You are mischievous.

NA: (now actually hurt) I do not believe I am mischievous.

ME: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.

NA: (smiles) I am mischievous.

ME: Ha. This IS fun.

NA: I wish I agreed.

ME: What?

NA: (smiles)

Early Monday Morning Thoughts

Don’t have much to say right now. Drank green tea at 10:30 so God knows when I’ll get to sleep.

• If you didn’t see Barack Obama’s Q&A on Friday, watch it or just read about it. It won’t change how awesome it is.

Kobe. There’s not much more to say anymore. Look, I hate the guy. Have hated the guy. But he’s done too much at this point, and I’ve read too much (specifically here and here) to ignore it. Let’s just move on.

• Football. As I said, I’m on a flag football team. We won yesterday. That was not expected. Been thinking philosophically about football and other sports tonight, as I am wont to do. Specifically thinking about how the contents of the ball (or puck) represent the games themselves, the jumping-off point being the inflated football and the tightly-wound baseball, but the real gem being my association of all the materials of hockey with the output of places in which it is traditionally popular and which, like the game itself, have fallen on tough times. I’ll spare you any further details. Actually got to thinking about this when my friend Sam came over with his six-month-old son, Henry, who was squirmy until we handed him the football, where he got really happy and started to eat the end of it. Sam joked that maybe he’d grow up to be 6’4″ and a star quarterback until he realized Henry probably liked the end of the ball because it looked like a nipple.