Bryan Joiner

Nicholas Asleep is a scholar, and I spoke to him.

ME: Hello Nicholas Asleep, scholar.

NA: I am the scholar Nicholas Asleep.

ME: That’s what I said.

NA: It is true, that is what you said.

ME: Welcome to the interview.

NA: I feel welcomed. You are very welcoming.

ME: I appreciate the compliment. You are too kind.

NA: (hurt) I do not believe I am too kind. (thinks, speaks deliberately) I do not believe I am kind enough.

ME: Why do you think this? You have a reputation as a very kind man.

NA: I try to be a very kind man. But sometimes it is difficult. (pauses) Sometimes I think unkind thoughts.

ME: What type of unkind thoughts?

NA: I sometimes agree to speak to people with whom I wish no association.

ME: Like me?

NA: No, other people. (pauses) I am enjoying this conversation.

ME: You’re too kind.

NA: You said it again.

ME: The last time I spoke to you, you were working on a book. What’s going on with that?

NA: The book has been published and turned into a film which is shown in film school for its artistic value, and of which a book of criticism has been written, by me.

ME: I last saw you like two months ago.

NA: These things have happened quickly.

ME: Didn’t the books win Nobel prizes?

NA: Yes. The film too.

ME: They have a Nobel prize for film?

NA: They invented it to honor this work. They are too kind.

ME: Now you said it.

NA: I did, but they are too kind. It has actually been flagging my health.

ME: Really? How?

NA: Their kindness has forced me to sit through interviews like this, which are bad for me.

ME: Hey!

NA: I meant because of the chair. It is bad for my back.

ME: Would you like to sit on the floor? (I suggest this to mean we will both do it)

NA: How dare you ask a scholar to sit on the floor!

ME: I just thought I was helping…

NA: I am kidding. This is… fun.

ME: You are mischievous.

NA: (now actually hurt) I do not believe I am mischievous.

ME: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.

NA: (smiles) I am mischievous.

ME: Ha. This IS fun.

NA: I wish I agreed.

ME: What?

NA: (smiles)