The true story of me getting a bagel this morning with my brother. It’s not funny or anything, it’s just bagels.
ME: What’s up bud. (Not really a question)
BAGEL GUY: (sullen, and that won’t change) What do you want.
ME: Can I get a cinnamon raisin bagel with plain cream cheese?
BAGEL GUY: (calling to back) Raisin with cheese! (to me) Anything else?
ME: Can I get a large coffee?
BAGEL GUY: (moves backward) Light and sweet? Milk and sugar?
ME: Just milk.
BAGEL GUY: (fills it up, returns) Anything else
MY BROTHER RECENTLY ARRIVED ON THE RED EYE, THE REASON I’M UP THIS EARLY: Yeah, can I have… a garlic bagel with light cream cheese?
BAGEL GUY: (looks at my brother’s girfriend)
CHELSEA: Can I also have a garlic bagel with light cream cheese?
BAGEL GUY: Light on the cream cheese or lowfat cream cheese?
BAGEL GUY: Two garlic, low fat cheese. (rings up my total) Four ninety eight.
ME: (I point back and forth)
BAGEL GUY: (looks at my brother’s money) Together.
BAGEL GUY: (frowns, keys in some stuff) Eight ninety eight.
BRO: (hands him money)
(Guy makes change, gives it to my brother, slams a paper bag on the counter to open it and puts it on the counter.)
BAGEL GUY: Next!
(Two minutes pass and I have my food but we’re waiting for the garlic bagels until he puts them in the bag and we walk out.)
ME: That’s the Brooklyn hospitality we’re known for.
CHELSEA: You have a movie theater close by! That must be nice.