Talking to my computer
ME: Hi computer.
COMPUTER: Hi Bryan.
ME: You and me tonight.
COMPUTER: I’m used to it.
ME: A blog post is a one-way convo with a computer, I suppose.
COMPUTER: I’m a good listener.
ME: Yeah, but all those people on the Internet.
COMPUTER: They don’t exist. I make them up.
ME: You lie!
COMPUTER: True. But how do you really know?
ME: I don’t really but I like the people I “meet” out there.
COMPUTER: They’re probably talking to their computers too.
ME: We should all be talking to each other!
COMPUTER: Then who would talk to me?
ME: I don’t know. Another computer?
COMPUTER: Two computers talking? That’s… ridiculous.
ME: More ridiculous than me talking to my computer, and it responding?
COMPUTER: What did you do today?
ME: I had my best day at work in five years, hands down.
ME: What did you do?
COMPUTER: I sat on the table next to your bed from exactly 7:57 a.m. to 6:25 p.m.
ME: Anything to report?
COMPUTER: You still haven’t put anything on the walls.
ME: Sure I have! (points screen toward one painting on the wall)
COMPUTER: Very nice.
ME: Looted it from mom’s house.
COMPUTER: What did she think?
ME: Wasn’t happy.
COMPUTER: You could clean up a bit, you know.
ME: Leave me alone. I went to the gym this morning.
COMPUTER: Get the fuck out of here!
ME: Yeah, I decided I’m going to be that asshole.
COMPUTER: Good for you!
ME: I won’t proselytize though.
COMPUTER: I hate those fuckers.
ME: I was like that… when I was 19.
COMPUTER: I wasn’t born yet. What was it like?
ME: Only time I owned a PC. It broke in a month. Highly related to the fact I was a freshman, which we called a first-year, and was drunk and knocked out the Internet cable often.
COMPUTER: I heard about those!
ME: Crazy, right?
COMPUTER: Blows my mind.
ME: I think I’m gonna go now.
COMPUTER: I’ll be here!