Talking to my computer

by Bryan

ME: Hi computer.

COMPUTER: Hi Bryan.

ME: You and me tonight.

COMPUTER: I’m used to it.

ME: A blog post is a one-way convo with a computer, I suppose.

COMPUTER: I’m a good listener.

ME: Yeah, but all those people on the Internet.

COMPUTER: They don’t exist. I make them up.

ME: You lie!

COMPUTER: True. But how do you really know?

ME: I don’t really but I like the people I “meet” out there.

COMPUTER: They’re probably talking to their computers too.

ME: We should all be talking to each other!

COMPUTER: Then who would talk to me?

ME: I don’t know. Another computer?

COMPUTER: Two computers talking? That’s… ridiculous.

ME: More ridiculous than me talking to my computer, and it responding?

COMPUTER: Touché.

ME: So…

COMPUTER: What did you do today?

ME: I had my best day at work in five years, hands down.

COMPUTER: Awesome!

ME: What did you do?

COMPUTER: I sat on the table next to your bed from exactly 7:57 a.m. to 6:25 p.m.

ME: Anything to report?

COMPUTER: You still haven’t put anything on the walls.

ME: Sure I have! (points screen toward one painting on the wall)

COMPUTER: Very nice.

ME: Looted it from mom’s house.

COMPUTER: What did she think?

ME: Wasn’t happy.

COMPUTER: You could clean up a bit, you know.

ME: Leave me alone. I went to the gym this morning.

COMPUTER: Get the fuck out of here!

ME: Yeah, I decided I’m going to be that asshole.

COMPUTER: Good for you!

ME: I won’t proselytize though.

COMPUTER: I hate those fuckers.

ME: I was like that… when I was 19.

COMPUTER: I wasn’t born yet. What was it like?

ME: Only time I owned a PC. It broke in a month. Highly related to the fact I was a freshman, which we called a first-year, and was drunk and knocked out the Internet cable often.

COMPUTER: I heard about those!

ME: Crazy, right?

COMPUTER: Blows my mind.

ME: I think I’m gonna go now.

COMPUTER: I’ll be here!

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